


Best Served Cold

by Ellidfics



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Fast Food, Lucius gets his comeuppance, Politics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-29 00:19:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15718044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellidfics/pseuds/Ellidfics
Summary: “Revenge is a dish best served cold,” Lucius Malfoy once told his friend Severus.  He‘s about to find out just how true that statement is.





	Best Served Cold

**Author's Note:**

  * For [skittykat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/skittykat/gifts), [Book7BrokeMyBrain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Book7BrokeMyBrain/gifts).



_Front page article on the Daily Prophet, 29 June 2001_

_SCANDAL IN HOGSMEADE!!!  
HOGWARTS HEADMASTER IN LOVE NEST WITH WIDOWED WEREWOLF!!!!!_

_HOGSMEADE -In a shocking development, Hogwarts Headmaster Severus Snape is alleged to be living in an intimate relationship with notorious werewolf Remus Lupin in a "love den" outside of Hogsmeade. Mr. Lupin, whose wife, Nymphadora Tonks-Lupin, died heroically at the Battle of Hogwarts, moved to Hogsmeade last year with his young son, Theodore, allegedly to work on his memoirs_

_[three paragraphs deleted]_

_When asked for comment on this story, Headmaster Snape threatened to turn this reporter into a newt. Mr. Lupin was allegedly in wolf form and unavailable for comment, although this reporter noted that the full moon was three days ago…._  
   
Excerpt from letter to Remus Lupin from Andromeda Tonks, 1 July 2001:

…I knew you weren't good for my Dora! She's barely cold in her grave, and don't you tell me it's been two years and it's time for you to move on! She gave you a son! You should find him a mother, not SNAPE!!!!!

You should be ashamed of yourself! I will never allow….  
 

_Excerpt from transcript of the Hogwarts Board of Governors' meeting, 26 July 2001._

_MR. PICKINGILL: Do you deny that you are engaged in an illicit relationship with this werewolf?_

_HEADMASTER SNAPE: I deny that I am in an illicit relationship._

_MR. PICKINGILL: Two men -_

_HEADMASTER SNAPE: Homosexuality was decriminalized nearly forty years ago. There is nothing in my contract forbidding it._

_MADAME PUCEY: We have received many letters of protest. You are setting a poor example for the children._

_HEADMASTER SNAPE: How so? Am I to deny myself all companionship?_

_MADAME PUCEY: That is not what we are saying. We are saying that living in an intimate relationship is not setting a good example for the students._

_HEADMASTER SNAPE: Please note that under current law, I am unable to marry Mr. Lupin. Were that not the case, be assured that he would be living here at the castle as my spouse, not on the outskirts of town in his own establishment, and the question of an illicit relationship would not be at issue._

_MR. PICKINGILL: This is outrageous! Two men – disgusting -_

_HEADMASTER SNAPE: It is no one's business but ours._

_MR. MALFOY: Severus, Severus. I told you that this would rebound on you when you first confided in me about your feelings for this - individual. Surely you could see that there would be consequences?_

_HEADMASTER SNAPE: There are consequences only because someone informed the Governors and the press. Lupin and I have been involved since shortly after the War. No harm was done to the children or the school until we were outed by the press._

_MADAME PUCEY: Madame Lupin -_

_HEADMASTER SNAPE: Tonks-Lupin. Accuracy would be appreciated._

_MADAME PUCEY: - sacrificed herself so that her husband would live. One could say that this dishonors her memory._

_MR. MALFOY: I must agree, Severus. My niece was never a conventional witch, but even she would have objected to being replaced by a man._

_HEADMASTER SNAPE: You haven't the slightest idea what Nymphadora thought or wanted, Lucius._

_MR. MALFOY: This is not about me, Severus. This is about you._

_HEADMASTER SNAPE: It is about prejudice. Did we learn nothing from the War?_

_MR. PICKINGILL: Lucius! You said he'd go quietly!_

_HEADMASTER SNAPE: I beg your pardon?_

_MR. MALFOY: We'll discuss this later, George._

_MADAME PUCEY: I'm with George, Lucius. You told us Snape would resign when his secret was -_

_HEADMASTER SNAPE: What? What?_

_MR. MALFOY: I never said that, Adelia. You must be mistaken._

_MADAME PUCEY: Secretary! I demand that you read back the minutes._

_HEADMASTER SNAPE: You let them write this down? Lucius, you're slipping._

_MISS BAXTER-COHN: According to the minutes of the Executive Session, Mr. Malfoy stated that Headmaster Snape was, quote, living as Lupin's catamite -_

_HEADMASTER SNAPE: Not true. I usually top._

_MR. PICKINGILL: Top? What does that mean?_

_MISS BAXTER-COHN: - and ashamed of it._

_HEADMASTER SNAPE: Again, not true. We attended the Muggle Pride March last July. We left Teddy with his grandmother so we could go clubbing afterwards. The sole reason we have not lived together openly is because of that ridiculous morals clause in my contract._

_MR. MALFOY: We don't need the details, Severus._

_HEADMASTER SNAPE: No one seemed to mind when Albus and Elphias Doge were buggering each other’s brains out behind Greenhouse 6._

_MR. PICKINGILL: What? What?_

_MR. MALFOY: He’s raving, George. Ignore him._

_MISS BAXTER-COHN: Mr. Malfoy further stated that he was confident that the Headmaster would resign if his living arrangements became public. He then suggested several possible replacements -_

_MR. MALFOY: Mere speculation, I never -_

_HEADMASTER SNAPE: Shut it, Lucius. This is fascinating._

_MISS BAXTER-COHN: - who would be more malleable and less intent on introducing reform to the house system and the curriculum._

_MR. MALFOY: That is a distortion of my - S everus. Stop staring at me like that. You aren't -_

_HEADMASTER SNAPE: You really should have studied occlumency when you had the chance, Lucius._

_MR. MALFOY: Bugger._  
 

Excerpt from Decision on Expedited Custody Petition of Andromeda Black Tonks against R.J. Lupin for custody of Theodore Remus Lupin, a minor child, dated 22 August, 2001.

…as social mores have changed since Petitioner was a child, we find her objection to Mr. Lupin's custody of his child puzzling. Although we must agree that the minor child would ideally be raised by his mother and his father, the heroic death of Petitioner's daughter has made this, of course, impossible. The minor child's father is alive and clearly loves his son, and investigation has shown no evidence that he has been harmed by his father's relationship with another man.  
We therefore find that it is in the best interest of the child that he remain with his father and deny the Petitioner's claim, with prejudice.

Marchbanks, W.  
 

_Excerpt from letter to the Board of Governors, dated 27 August 2001._

_…accordingly, I hereby grant the wishes of Mr. Malfoy, Madame Pucey, and the allegedly cunning Mr. Pickingill, not to mention the worthy readers of the newspapers, and resign my position, effective immediately. I have already removed my possessions, including potions ingredients and all intellectual property such as my class notes, syllabi, and research, from the school. Good luck to Slughorn or whichever incompetent fool you pick to replace me….  
 _

Letter from Remus Lupin and Severus Snape to Minerva McGonagall, Hermione Granger, Ronald Weasley, Harry Potter, Filius Flitwick, Rubeus Hagrid, etc., etc.

10 November 2001

Dear Friends:

This is not an easy letter to write. After due consideration, however, we do not believe that we have a choice. 

Over the past six months we have come to realize that the Wizarding World has learned nothing about prejudice from the Dark Lord’s Voldemort's reign of terror. We have been forced from our jobs, Remus nearly lost of custody of his son, and our house has been repeatedly vandalized. The life that we fought for has been made unbearable thanks to the vindictive 'outing' we received in the newspapers in June.

We have thought long and hard about this, and our decision is irrevocable: we are leaving the Wizarding World. We have obtained employment and housing under Muggle identities in an undisclosed location. Do not attempt to find us or talk us out of this, as our minds are made up….  
 

SIX YEARS LATER

_Paid advertisement on or about 16 August, 2007, on the "Davina Tyson Show" on the WWN. Print versions, accompanied by appropriate graphics, appear in every Wizarding publication except the Quibbler ._

_DO YOU WANT TO SAVE MONEY?  
We've all been tempted: _

_-There's a sale at Marks & Spencer. You'll have to alter the cut, but the price is so good it's worth it._

_-Milk at the petrol station is cheaper than Madam Jenner's. What's the harm in buying a gallon or two?_

_-You've had a long, hard day at the Ministry and you don't feel like cooking. It's easy to pick up a meal at Pret's or McDougal's, and your wife will be so happy!_

_DON'T BUY MUGGLE!_

_Face it. We've all bought from Muggle businesses without thinking about it. Most of us live near Muggles. Some of us are related to Muggles. It's so easy to buy Muggle without thinking about all the money we're wasting when we buy from Muggle stores, or the damage we're doing to Wizard-owned businesses and families by letting our hard-earned galleons flow into Muggle coffers._

_Our free booklet, "How to Save Money by Buying Wizard," will show you how easy it is to save money and support your community by buying exclusively from Wizard-owned businesses. Every sickle you spend in Diagon Alley or Hogsmeade supports your friends and neighbors, not Muggles who care only about profit. Merely send five knuts by owl-post to:_

_"How to Save Money"_  
c/o The Traditionalist Coalition  
Diagon Alley, London 

_SUPPORT YOUR COMMUNITY! BUY WIZARD! IT'S TIME WE TOOK CARE OF OUR OWN!_

_Paid for by Malfoy for Wizengamot, G. Goyle Sr., recording secretary._

_LUCIUS MALFOY: My name is Lucius Malfoy, and I approved this message._  
 

"Gregory! Do you have the results of the latest poll?" Lucius Malfoy flicked his cloak off his shoulders and watched as it floated to the rack behind his desk. "Millicent has informed me that the pamphlets are almost sold out so it should be reflected in the numbers."

"That it is, sir." Gregory Goyle, Sr., lumbered in, a long sheet of paper trailing from his hand.  
"You're up three points over Madam Weasley-Granger since the Buy Wizard campaign hit the WWN. Rita Skeeter's pen portrait of the Weasleys' marriage didn’t help - a lot of people don't approve of her keeping her name, even hyphenated. 

"We're also seeing good results from the push polls expressing concern about her youth, especially among women. She might be a war hero, but a lot of the ladies think she should be starting a family instead of standing for the Wizengamot."

Lucius removed his gloves. They were dyed to match his top boots, which in turn matched his cloak and cane. Dressing well was so important. "Excellent point. The next pamphlet should be about how it's the patriotic duty of our women to repopulate our world after the late unpleasantness. My son's wife should be posed with a baby on the cover."

Goyle looked puzzled. "But sir, Madam Astoria hasn't had a baby yet. Everyone knows that."

"That problem should be solved in the near future," said Lucius between his teeth. If Snape hadn't illegally removed all his notes and workbooks when he decamped from Hogwarts, he would already be a grandfather twice over. Slughorn promised results, but so far Astoria had remained distressingly childless. "Pose her anyway. The back cover should show Granger -"

"Weasley-Granger, sir."

" - in Muggle clothes looking at an empty crib. The artist can alter the faces enough that she won't dare sue." Lucius picked up his morning mail from his blotter and automatically began tossing them into piles: correspondence to be answered personally; correspondence to be answered with a form letter and a signed photograph; bills to be forwarded to his accountant; campaign expenses to be given to his banker; the Prophet and its lovely, lovely poll showing him leading that too-clever girl; Modern Magery and its pen portrait of him as the stern but loving patriarch; Witch Weekly’s gushing look at “Luscious Lucius at home”…. 

One large, bulging envelope puzzled him. It was likely a gift from one of his female admirers, of whom there seemed to be quite a few. Narcissa had been somewhat miffed when the first packages arrived, and even less pleased by the gushing letters, but he'd soon set her straight. "Consider them votes, darling," he'd said, and) as usual, Narcissa had sighed and agreed.

"Gregory? Do we have any contributors in Porthmadog?" 

"Porthmadog? I don't think so, sir. There aren't any registered Wizards living there. Blanau Ffestionog, maybe." Goyle drew his wand and cast a diagnostic spell on the package. "Seems harmless enough. It might be one of us who went underground after the War - late unpleasantness."

Lucius frowned. For all its size, the package was too light to be a gift, the wrong color to be the weekly package of clippings from his service. It crackled slightly as he reclaimed it from Goyle and summoned an ivory-handled letter opener. Was it yet another letter requesting a private meeting? Or something else?

A bell rang over the door. Gregory muttered an indelicate word. "Sorry, sir. That's the press signal. Someone from the Prophet, most likely. Should I give them a sample booklet?"

"Yes, yes." Lucius made a shooing gesture. "Whatever they want. Offer Granger - "

"Granger-Weasley, sir."

"Whatever. Make a public offer to send her a free copy, and one for her parents." Lucius smiled in the way that had always made Draco snap to. "They're Muggle dentists, you know."

"That I do, sir," said Goyle. He exited, muttering, as the bell rang again.

Lucius smiled to himself at the sound of voices from the reception area. Gregory had his limits, Merlin knew, but the day he couldn’t deal effectively with the press was the day Lucius retired to Malfoy Manor to breed albino house elves. It was a shame his son could barely cast a decent incendio , but at least Draco had been able to keep Gregory Jr. in work at that wretched but profitable establishment. Draco himself had grumbled at stooping so low when Lucius turned the place over to him, but when Lucius had pointed out how much money had gone to legal fees, Dark Mark removal, and Narcissa’s winter wardrobe, he had seen the - 

The envelope upended itself without warning, spilling out several clippings, photographs, and a single sheet of that pseudo-parchment paper Muggles used when they wanted to play at calligraphy. Some of the clippings were yellow from age, others the grayish-white of fresh newsprint. One or two were grainy photocopies. Not one of the photographs moved.

It was clearly a joke of some sort, or perhaps yet another protest against his “bigotry” for advocating for purebloods against the creeping influence of Muggles and Muggleborns on British Wizardry. Lucius snorted and was about to bin the lot when the parchment fluttered to shoulder level and a voice he had not heard in six years filled the room. 

_Hello, Lucius. I see that you’re doing well._

It had to be a joke. Severus had left the Wizarding World, lock, stock, and werewolf, not to mention the werewolf’s multi-colored offspring. No one, not even Potter and his in-laws, had received so much as a Christmas card or request for money from either of them. What was going on?

_You’re surprised to hear from me, I daresay. The voice chuckled softly. I simply wished to convey my congratulations on your political success._

Lucius smiled thinly. Of course it was Severus. The spiky handwriting on the Muggle paper was unmistakable. “As well you should. Unlike you, I’ve always had an eye to my future. Even with the Dark Lord gone, I – “

_Remus, Teddy, and I have established ourselves in the Muggle world. Except for brewing Wolfsbane for Remus once a month, I haven’t used my wand in years. Oddly enough, I haven’t missed it. You might consider trying it once in a while. Intellectual rigor and all that._

“Severus, Severus.” Lucius shook his head at the imitation parchment. “I thought you knew me better than that, and you the clever one. Clearly you’ve inhaled a bit too much aconite, unless it’s lack of sleep from tending Lupin’s sprog.”

_I’m sure you’ve better things to do than listen to me natter on about my life. Enclosed please find a few items that might be of interest to you. You and Draco haven’t exactly covered your tracks very well, have you?_

Severus had never talked like that unless he had something unusually subtle in mind. Lucius leaned forward with a slight frown, elegant nails clicking against his favorite paperweight as he drummed his fingers. What the – 

_Please give my regards to Narcissa and Draco – or does he prefer David these days? Odd, that he chose a Welsh nom-de-guerre for his business endeavors in the Muggle World._

Severus laughed as a wolf howled somewhere in the background and a young child’s voice asked Papa for another slice of orange. It was not a pretty laugh.

_Oh, one more thing. You might want to share this with your campaign manager. Gregory never did think very quickly on his feet._

_‘Bye-bye,’ as my stepson would put it. I’m sure the peacocks will still speak to you no matter what._

“Peacocks? What the devil are you talking about?” Lucius snatched up the parchment and shook it as if it might turn into Severus himself. “I’ll win the election, you traitorous Half-Blood, and then I’ll send the Aurors after you and that bloody wolf!”

One of the clippings fluttered up to eye level. Another voice, this one young and high-pitched, spoke. 

_Dear Mr. Malfoy, Daddy and Papa said I should tell you to read this one first. It’s all about me and how your restaurant gave me tummy-ache! That wasn’t very nice, you know. I was so sick that my hair wouldn’t change color for a week, and I kept throwing up all over Papa’s workroom so he was very cross even though it wasn’t my fault that there were mealy worms in my Happy Meal._

Happy Meal? Lucius jammed his pince-nez into place, hands shaking slightly. Surely Severus and his “family” hadn’t found – 

Another voice, husky enough that it had to be Lupin, interrupted the child. _Darling, you need to mind your manners. You don’t want Mr. Malfoy’s solicitors to send Daddy and Papa a nasty note, do you?_

_-No, Papa! I’m sorry._

_-It’s all right, darling. Now, say good-bye to Mr. Malfoy. There’s a good boy!_

_-I’m sorry I was rude, Mr. Malfoy. I hope you win your election. Your friend, Teddy Lupin._

The clipping unfurled itself, the headline seeming to vibrate as Lucius began to read:

 

_McDOUGAL'S MADE MY LITTLE BOY SICK!_

_DOVETON -Stephen Snape and Richard Lupin had no idea why their son, Teddy, kept having tummy trouble. A sturdy lad, he had been perfectly healthy all his life, with never more than the sprained ankle he got playing football._

_It wasn’t until half his team found small caterpillars in the French fries and hamburgers they bought at the local McDougal’s fast food restaurant that they knew what was making poor Teddy and his little friends ill after games -_

Lucius gaped in horror. Doveton? Why hadn’t Draco mentioned that Snape and Lupin lived nearby? “That wasn’t us, it was our supplier!”

Another clipping rose, this one about a protest against “factory farming,” whatever that was, to be held at selected restaurants throughout Britain. Two of the protesters, Stephen and Richard, seemed to be spouting off about how they’d been radicalized by their own experiences with bigotry and a nasty custody fight between Richard and his former mother-in-law over their son. The accompanying photograph showed two men who could only be Severus and Lupin, both in Muggle formalwear, with the caption “Stephen Snape and Richard Lupin at their civil union. The fathers are contemplating legal action against the McDougal’s that served tainted food to their son and his – ”

“Damn, blast, and bugger!” Lucius slammed the clipping down hard enough to make his inkwell jump. “Go howl at the moon, you unnatural beast!“

A third clipping all but thrust itself up his nose:

_BOYCOTT AGAINST BIGOTRY!_

_Sir Ian McKellen, actor and gay rights activist, spoke in support of a boycott against the Doveton McDougal’s. Allegations of homophobia have arisen against the owner, Lucius Malcolm, and his son David. David, manager of the restaurant at the center of the controversy, is alleged to have called local men Stephan Snape and Richard Lupin ‘a couple of f-----g poofters’ and threatened them with a stick during the monthly cleaning of the fryalator._

_“Their food is dreadful, Americanized slop,” said Sir Ian, one of Britain’s leading Shakespearean actors. “It’s good to see British fathers care so deeply about their child. We’re getting fatter and less healthy every day, and restaurants like this are the reason. We need to stand up for healthy food and British business!”_

_Teddy Lupin, son of Mr. Lupin by his first marriage, led a procession of schoolchildren dressed as vegetables outside the restaurant whilst Mr. Malcolm and his staff watched -_

Lucius swore violently and sent the whole lot into the fire. Draco had sworn there were no wizards for miles around Doveton! What was wrong with him? Whether they used their wands or not, Snape and Lupin were powerful enough that Draco should have sensed them immediately!

“Sir?” Gregory, looking exceedingly nervous, poked his head into the room. “Miss Skeeter from the _Prophet_ wants to see you.”

“Tell her I’m in a meeting!” Lucius threw his pince-nez onto the blotter and turned toward the fireplace. “I have to see Draco immediately!” 

“But sir – “ Gregory hesitantly advanced into the room, a magazine in his meaty hands. “She wants a comment on this article in the Quibbler ! There’s this picture of Master Draco in a Muggle restaurant and – ”

Lucius froze. A publicity photo of Draco in full manager’s uniform, complete with logo tie, standing outside the Doveton McDougal’s smiled up at him from the cover of the latest _Quibbler._ **EXPOSED! MALFOY OWNERSHIP OF MUGGLE BUSINESS!** pulsed red and black above Draco’s head. 

“Has this hit the newsstands?”

Gregory nodded, clearly miserable. “The _Prophet_ is set to run it in the afternoon edition. It was the lead story on the WWN nine o’clock report this morning.” He shrank as much as a big man could. “Miss Skeeter says that this package of clippings about tainted food at your business showed up in her post box last week. There’s this picture of Master Draco cleaning some equipment and threatening a little boy, even.”

Lucius sank back into his chair. He had enjoyed a leisurely breakfast at home, and now every bite of eggs Benedict, fried potatoes, and fresh melon was threatening to come right back up. “How much is in the emergency fund?”

“About six hundred galleons, sir, all in unmarked coin.” Gregory rubbed his hands together. “I can send out the lads to buy up all the papers before – “

“No, no. The home edition will already have been delivered.” Lucius had faced many troubles over the years, from Narcissa finding out about the dancer in Prague to a year in Azkaban. He had lied his way out of most of them, the family involvement with the Dark Lord being the great exception. This, though -

“Please owl – telephone my son. Tell him I need to see him immediately.” After he finished flaying his worthless heir alive for letting himself be photographed waving his wand in public, he’d start planning a plausible denial. Had Hermione Granger ever been in Doveton? And did she eat at McDougal’s?

_ This baseless attack is clearly a desperate attempt by my opponent to -  _

Gregory’s assistant burst in, waving a Howler about as if it might explode at any second. “Mr. Malfoy! Sir! The Board of Governors have called an emergency meeting! Someone sent them pictures of your son at a Muggle restaurant and Pickingill wants an explanation!” 

“What? ”

The Howler opened and Narcissa’s voice cut through the assistant’s wailing. 

“LUCIUS MALFOY! HOW DARE YOU CORRUPT MY SON? THE NOBLE AND ANCIENT HOUSE OF BLACK IS RUINED! A **MUGGLE RESTAURANT ?** HAVE YOU LOST YOUR - ”

“Incendio! ” cried Lucius. The Howler disappeared in a puff of foul-smelling black smoke. Severus had sent this trash to Narcissa? The Board of Governors? “Gregory, summon my campaign staff. We need to strategize. We’ll need the press liaison, my speechwriter – ”

“What about Miss Skeeter?” 

“Tell her I have no comment at this time, and then pull her financial report. Surely she needs money, those Quick-Quotes Quills cost a small fortune!” Lucius made a shooing motion toward the door. “Get everyone here in fifteen minutes, no excuses, no exceptions. That includes my worthless son!”

“What about Madam Narcissa?” Gregory was all but cringing as he backed toward the door. “She’s terribly upset.”

“I’ll deal with her later. Do as I say!” Lucius pointed his cane at the door. “Now, Gregory!”

“Yes, Mr. Malfoy! Right away!”

Lucius waited until the door was shut to pick up a quill. His owls had been bred to find those who did not wish to be found. Even if Severus and his pets were under Fidelius he wouldn’t be able to ignore this note, and then -

 _Angry, Lucius?_ The Muggle parchment, curiously intact, rose from the fireplace. _I know that feeling. You and your friends got me sacked and nearly cost Lupin his son. ‘Angry’ doesn’t begin to describe my feelings._

Lucius shook his fist at the parchment. “Damn you, Severus! You don’t even live in the Wizarding World anymore! It’s none of your business!”

 _By now you’re probably strategizing your next move, that is if Narcissa hasn’t nailed your scrotum to the wall._ Severus laughed his nastiest laugh. _Don’t bother. Full documentation of your involvement in all those Muggle businesses was sent to the Minister, every Wizarding magazine, the Board of Governors, your political allies, and of course your wife and daughter-in-law. I was most surprised by the Asda stock. I would have thought Harrod’s was more your style, or at least Marks & Sparks. _

All of them? Lucius, unable to speak, clutched at a lock of his hair. He was ruined, ruined ! Draco and Astoria would be blackballed, his grandchildren (if any) would have to attend Durmstrang, the Malfoy name would be a laughingstock….

That Narcissa might really nail his scrotum to the wall was a distinct possibility.

_You once told me that revenge was a dish best served cold, Lucius._ Severus sounded positively smug, damn him to every level of every hell. Thank you for the advice. You were absolutely right. 

_Good luck, Lucius. You’ll need it._

The fireplace flared green. Lucius whirled to see a tall, elegant blonde woman emerge. He managed to smile as his wife brushed soot from her shoulder. 

“Narcissa? Darling, what a surprise! I wasn’t expecting you until lunch! Here, allow me - ”

Don’t even bother,” said Narcissa in a voice that could have frozen boiling lead. She flicked a finger in his direction, and his wand sailed into her hand. “Lucius, we need to talk.”

Lucius could only nod as she perched herself on the edge of his desk and leaned forward until he could see the faintest trace of the family madness in her eyes. 

“About this packet I received from Severus this morning – ”

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for a Snape/Lupin challenge in 2009 or thereabouts. It was beta'd by Book7BrokeMyBrain and had some wonderful illustrations by Skittykat that I've been unable to find. It made me laugh when I reread this week, and I hope it amuses anyone who reads it.


End file.
